Lessee...
"Do you think you could do a web-based e-mail portal this weekend?"
"Dude, I got you a CD of clip art. Let's make this site look dope!"
(from sales doofus)
"This client wants a 3D mockup of his jewelry store where you can go in and pick up items and look at them. Can we do that for $2000?"
"We want a ten thousand item database with pictures of every item, and we can't afford to hire somebody to do the data entry, so we want you to do it. We've budgeted $1500. Why are you laughing at me?"
And my favorite (when I was not a contractor, but an employee):
Idiot sales manager guy: Listen, our sales people are not technical. We leave that to you. They can't understand the technical details.
Me: But they're selling people "websites" and giving them a full-screen JPG ad in your Yellow Pages directory? It takes five minutes to load! No links! And you're charging them $500!
Idiot sales guy: What's the difference?
Me: What's the--do you know what the word 'fraud' means?
Idiot sales guy: You think you're so smart, don't you?
Me: Hey, as long as I'm not paying the legal bills, fine. I just thought I should give you my qualified technical opinion--that this is a really stupid idea and everybody's gonna get sued. I understand that you guys are Canadians, but are business laws that different up north?
(I got fired, but he got fired about a week after me for showing up to a client meeting drunk. That was the worst web job I ever had, anyway.)