Excerpts from a single conversation with the owner of a client company. Try to imagine a gruff, hotheaded old cowboy (literally) who spends his ample free time riding Harleys (fast horses) cross-country where there's "no 'lectricity and the only webs are made by spiders."
Me: "I understand you have some questions about your company's website?"
Client: "I have people telling me they've seen the site, but it's not working."
Me: "It's not working? You mean parts of it aren't working well for you or..."
Client: "Shyeah! It isn't working at all. I can't see it all! Ha!"
Me: "Are you certain you are entering the address correctly?"
Client: <grunts> "Well what's the name again?"
Me: "It's www.*******.com, your company's name but with a dot-com at the end."
Me: "You know, dot-com. The 'dot' is a period and the 'com' is spelled c-o-m."
Client: "Nope! Try again!"
> A short while later, after ensuring him that he did not need "hdtp" beginning the URL in his browser, explaining the differences between a forward-slash and back-slash, advising against the use of spaces within his domain name and ultimately determing that his internet connection had not been working for some time...
Client: "So you're telling me MY website is under my company manager's name?" <voice beginning to raise>
Me: "Uh, yes, I believe the *domain name* is, yes. But it was registered with whatever information you or she provided. Remember, we weren't responsible for setting up your domain name and a domain name and a website aren't the sa-"
Client: "Her name!? God*damn*it." <dramatic pause> <begins to fume> "Well what if I die!? Huh? Answer me that! What if I die?"
Me: "Uh, excuse me?"
Client: "What if I die, then what happens to it!?"
Me: "If you... You mean the domain na-"
Client: <laughs loudly and incredulously>
Me: "Sir, you-"
Client: "It's MY damn company, not her's! I own the sonuvabitch!! If I die and this website isn't *legally* in my name then whaddayou think is supposed to happen to it!?
Client: "I'll tell you what! The lawyers'll get a hold of it!"
Me: "The lawyers?"
Client: "The DAMN lawyers!"
Me: "Oh. Look sir, I think maybe you're-"
Client: <grumbling about the damn lawyers>
Me: "-exaggerating matters here. Nobody's going to take your website from you, because you... I mean *if* you... you die. Do you think you're going to... erm... Look-"
Client: <another incredulous guffaw> "Son, have you ever had to deal with the lawyers!?"
> I hadn't. This went on for 20 minutes before I was able to talk him down. By the end he was all buddy-buddy.
Me: "Well, I'm glad I could help sort some of this out for you. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Client: "You bet! I have another question."
Me: "Sure! Shoot."
Client: "Do my pictures zoooom!"
Me: "Zoom? Your pictures? You mean on the website?"
Client: "Yeah, do they zoom!? I think they should zooooom! I was just reading all about the new technology and everyone's making their websites zoom. Y'know, so you can see all the way into the detail or go way out and look at the picture real small."
-you heard it here first: woe be the webdesigner who's websites don't zoooom!-
What is this? This is a collection of clients' quotes, unadulterated (except for formatting), from an old Dreamless thread, right up until Dreamless died and this thread was lost. No, I am still not taking submissions, as this is still currently just for nostalgic reminiscing. Thanks. (P.S., none of the quotes are mine, either.)
All quotes are © their original posters. This PHP + MySQL interface is © 2001—2004 Derailer Productions. And stuff.
To do: remove "last edited" text; edit content for XHTML compliance.